Thursday, December 27, 2007

Seasons Greetings from Paramina Rift

Not many pictures taken in the B A Start household this holiday season. Since I know, gentle reader, that this troubles you, I have included below instructions for a do-it-yourself picture of Alex's Christmas.

Step 1: Get a picture of Alex's face.

Step 2: Get a picture of a Nintendo DS.

Step 3: Place the item from step 2 on top of the item from step 1.

Step 4: Imagine the sounds of festive music and the children's-toy smell of Swiffer Wet-Jet fluid.

Finding a place for oneself in the finely-tuned clockwork that is Her Worshipfulness's family Christmas can be a challenge for a clumsy laze-about like myself. I can stand around in the kitchen and wait for orders, looking all the world like a geeky Jack Ryan aboard the Red October as the gruff officers of Christmas step over and around me as if directed by some silent language I was never meant to learn. Or I can stay out of the way, which is sure to lead to some spat about my perceived inertia.

This holiday season I tried a new tack: "honey, I'll be right here playing DS. You just let me know if you need any help. ANYthing. Opening a jar, picking up a dropped spoon, whatever. Just call me." It worked out fairly well, I believe, but the ubiquitous stigma against video games earned me few points if any with in-laws.